I don’t know or aware about such a medical term exists or not. But what i am feeling right now is same as it. I have been weak and sick for few days. I forgot where i kept my valuable things and couldn’t find them .
In the meantime old problems are also coming back. The typical family management problem and organizing everything, listening to the greedy peoples and so on. For information as the Eldest Son i have been playing a role of Guardian for my family after my fathers sudden death in 2011.
I always thought i am a great manager or would be a great manager but falling in real life situation i found out how worse i am. I am not any where near to a good one though i am improving myself day by day. But it’s really tough for someone to hold back together a family if there is not anyone beside him.
It’s also the same in the professional ground. You need to have true allies who believes, respects and stays beside you always.
Except that i know the drill that, thinking about everything at once gives Head Blasting syndrome and i am trying hard to avoid this. But the most unfortunate thing is as much as i am trying to focus on one single thing rather than thinking on everything else, every thoughts coming all together at once to blast my head. This is what i call as Head Blasting Syndrome.
People like us i.e. Software Engineers or IT Workers work whole their office time in front of their laptops or Computers. Recently I was curious to know how much time of my daily life I am spending in front of a screen. The ratio was grievous.
I found out most of the time I am awake passing in front of any type of screens. While in office in front of laptops,while on the road in front of smartphones, while in home either in front of laptops or Television. So, I figured out My life became all on a sudden a Life in front Screens. I find myself appearing in front of one or another screen all time. Although I couldn’t figure out is this normal or not. Tell me how much time of your daily life you spend before a screen?
Originally posted on Unseen Divinity:
It is a fact that the average human being utilizes approximately 10% to 15% of their brain matter. If my math is correct – that leaves approximately 90% of underutilized brain matter sitting on top of your shoulders carried around by you – day by day. On that note, have you ever wondered how to/is it possible to utilize ‘more’ of that brain matter? Perhaps – to its full potential? I truly hope so! Because you can!
The Ferrari Principle:
The fact is we have been blessed with an undeniable, very powerful tool – a mass of matter that can bend spoons, manifest dreams, manage thousands of physiological and physical processes at once, solve complex mathematical equations and go back and forth in time in the blink of an eye. So I had a thought: what if you are given – at no cost to you – the most powerful and majestic Ferrari ever built? 0-60 in 2.9 seconds with a G-Force that gave you butterflies in your stomach once you hit first gear; with the most elegant, hand, custom-made interior designed by the TOP romantic, talented artists in the world with an exterior that resembled heaven, and one-of-a-kind technology built by the most brilliant geniuses in the entire universe. What if this machine also had a sound system that triggered chills down your spine when you played your favorite tune, and provided you with a driving experience that created an immediate addiction? This machine is all yours – to keep and do with whatever you desire. Because you also KNOW that what ever you desire you can do with this Ferrari. For example: you can convert it into a space ship and fly to the moon if you wanted to; you can convert it into a yacht and sail the oceans if that is your desire. You could also transform it into a bad ass jet that breaks the sound barrier! ANYTHING you desired you could do with this machine. You are able to do all of these things because that knowledge is coded in your DNA – all you have to do is retrieve/call it! if at some time the Ferrari broke down – you would know how to fix it. If you needed to change the oil/tire/ceramic breaks – you would know how to do that too! This machine is everything and anything you ever dreamed of! All the costs associated with it – was taken care of – this machine belongs to you – worry free
In my life time I was never in a proper relationship, here I meant relationship about being with a girl. The reason that’s why I wasn’t is that I couldn’t find the one and I didn’t say anyone that I like you or I want you in my life. It’s not that I didn’t want to say anyone, I had crushes in several times to several ones. But a crush and being in a relationship is different right. Also there were some facts that prohibited me to express my crushes to the one’s I crushed sometimes. The biggest reason was and it’s still there is me being fat, the second thing is if she opposes me I couldn’t stand in front me. And the last reason was I didn’t finish school i.e was a student, didn’t have the courage and wasn’t in a good shape. Also it happened a very few times when I was in a state of mind of proposing to a girl, one or two probably in total. Of this one was a big crush of mine in college days. She had a very special smile and a reddish glaze in her face. She was really, really attractive in those days. Personally I don’t like too white or too black, my fascination is reddish glaze. I have seen only two girls in my surroundings with this and she was one of them. But as matter of fact I didn’t propose her or say anything to her in those days. I was not in the mood of finding someone for myself in that time. And there was one of our teachers always saying there is no value of a guy with only SSC certificate and blah blah other stuffs. He was always saying this is not the time for being in relationship and I followed that. So, that chapter ended in college although I still can remember that reddish smiled one.
Then I went to university and passed 4 years there. After graduation I came to my working life and was in a state of looking for someone for myself. I looked for that reddish girl of my college, expressed my feelings about her. But I was late. She was already in a serious relationship with someone else. And there was no way of returning back. But in consequence she became a very good friend of mine. I always said her I can not think of her something else. At last I realized she will be never mine. We kept communicating in the meantime and she became a place of peace for me. Whenever I am in so much stress or strain a several minutes of talking with her relieves the pain for some time and calms me. She’s like some place of piece and calm for me. I don’t know what she feels about me, but she never expressed her botheration on my communication with her and I found proof of it in several times that she also cares about me in some way.
I watched a movie called ‘Iti Mrinalini’ some days ago, where Mrinalini had something like this with a poet called Chintan. They helped each other in their times of distress and in unwanted situations, loved their togetherness but they both knew they can’t be together as Husband wife in their life time. Chintan was a place of peace to Mrinalini till her last breath.Chintan proclaimed it as a Different kind of Love which sets u free rather to bind together and it doesn’t want any bindings. My relation with this girl has became something like this in time being and I love it as a different kind of love.
We often want to be someone else than what we are and what we have. I also tried to be someone else. You want beautiful hair like someone else. Well organized like someone more organized. Be Bold enough like someone more Bold. Fitness like someone more fit and so on. The thing is that we are not happy about what we are. We are not happy about our shape, habits, achievements, lifestyle and etc. etc. Then what we do like Einstein’s relativity theory, we imagine a relative example, such as I want body like this bodybuilder, be meritorious like this scholar, lifestyle like some big shot and this list also continues to grow. So, this was all relating to me wanting to be someone else. I had also desires like this very often and I have wasted lots of my precious time to be someone else like this.
But the thing I figured out lately that you have all the qualities that you want to be in you somehow. In some part of life or in some portion of your whole lifetime you had the qualities that you want. So, why want to be someone else if you already had that quality in your own life someway. So, I decided to dream to be same again, the me in that time when all clicked right and everything was going on right just as I wanted. Then I stopped to imagine to be someone else. I want to be me, the qualities of mine which fills me to be the one that I always wanted to be. So, this is the Philosophy of Being Me which I have been practicing nowadays and I am quite happy with it. And at the end of the day if I am happy with it than it counts to me most and I really don’t want to bother about something else except this.
People lies often, me too.I am writing about some lies that I really hate too much . It’s about the feeling about someone else. Such as you don’t like someone but you pretend as if you like him. You demonstrate something like you don’t like him or hate him and in absence of him you tell whatever worse about him. It’s a very common thing.
Speaking always the truth is a fantasy like all our fantasies prevalent. You can’t always tell the truth even if you want in a very hard way, in those cases either you have to tell lie or bypass the truth someway. But that’s not my point here, my point is why you can’t express feelings about someone in front of him if you are having any feelings , good , bad or whatever you think. I duly believe that person also need to know what you are thinking about him.
I have faced this kind of scenarios very often and still facing everyday. I thought of something and as a result came out something else. It makes very awkward situation sometimes, such as you have certain amount of expectation from a person of trust and certain amount of expectation from a person who hates you. But if you treat someone as a person a trust who truly hates you but doesn’t shows it obviously you are going to be in a lot of problem. I hate these kind of lies and behaviors.
I am frank about whom I like and whom I hate and I also want others to be same like this with me. At least I need to know whom I can trust and that’s why I need to know what is his thoughts about me. If I find someone very cool with me have ugly feelings about me obviously my behavior with him will not be same as earlier after knowing that. That’s one short of ugly lies we have as a human being and I am truly not fond of it.
For the last couple of days I have been feeling unusual. When I feel so, I have a routine kind of things to do. At first it comes with passing sleepless nights with lots of things joggling in mind. Later on early morning somewhere I can feel the fresh air. Then walking aimlessly in Dhaka roads, here and there looking for a peaceful place.
In the end I go to at some friends place, end up with having conversation with the facts and etc. etc. And yes eating at some place comes last. Then I find myself forgetting the unusual thing. This drill has been going for quite a long time.
Good company always helps to soothe, no matter on what situation. And I am very happy that I have been surrounded by lots of wonderful people’s throughout my life. They have been helping me a lot to soothe in this situations continuously. After all we are lonely human beings on this vast planet wondering randomly for love, affection and things like that. It generally makes our hearts calm, gives some feeling of peace. When we feel unusual our heart moves like so fast and lots of worse thoughts arrives again and again. Talking with some nice people makes it cooler like refrigerator’s does.
So, the point stands out, every negative things at some point and mostly at the end brings some positive things also. At beginning outcome of negative things is completely negative I know. But when it soothes down, we find something positive. At childhood my father used to send me in most places alone. I felt very sad seeing other child’s with parents and me alone. I complained again and again about this and my father’s reaction to this was, you have to take care of everything in absence of me, So, at first you need to know how to take care of yourself alone. Though it felt very sad at that time but it helped me to become self sufficient later. There are always like that in every negative thing. Punishment of teachers is also same like this. We all know no teacher want’s of his students.
Positivity and Negativity are common facts of human life. But we may end doing something good and have a happy life if we tend to think Negative things in also Positive matters. This has been the moral that I wanted to tell in the above gibberish writing.
One of my fellow’s asked someday ago me why this blog and etc. etc. Then I remembered I never gave an introduction of this blog like what, why, how and blah blah. I actually did that with some kind of intention. Actually blog is a collection of my feelings about living life and all the feelings I gather with it. Another thing is that, I used to be good at writing( at least I thought) in higher secondary level, later on after 4 years of engineering education with literally no practice in writing I forgot what writing is. I wanted to get back this skill again. And that’s quite a bit of it. Have a good day ahead.