Who AM I ?

443017297_640 I sometimes become confused who i am in terms of definition, responsibilities. In this article i have tried to find all my roles independently.

I am a Student, though i have graduated back in 2011, i still have lots of things to learn everyday, my to be read list is really huge, getting big day by day, so far i have been struggling so much to keep up with the list.

I am an Software Engineer, i have a degree in Computer Science and Engineering, during graduation time  i kind of never envisioned that i would go to the software sector, but fortunately i had opportunity to work in a software farm for several years, I have yet to learn the craft more  perfectly but yet i refer myself a software engineer. Though my title in job refers me as a software engineer, i am still not confident enough to build a software solution ground up by myself. So, I am working towards learning that craft.

I am a Data Analyst, my day to day job involves me to ensure data quality, troubleshoot data issues, develop data quality assurance processes, identify data correctness, analyze pitfalls which kind of makes me a Data Analyst. Though i work with statisticians but my responsibility is kind of technical, translating their discoveries in technical languages.

I am a Programmer, I am not that much competitive programmer but i am still practicing everyday to make myself a better programmer. The Problem is while i was in school i never thought myself as a programmer, if i would have worked more in that times i would have been far ahead now. But its never late and though my ability as a programmer have shortcomings now, but i wish to recover them very soon.

I am a Volunteer, I volunteer for several communities, for some volunteer work is tedious and they raise a obvious question why work for someone else using your own resources ? To me, i love to work for the community, i hop in if i find any volunteer opportunities suiting my pursuits.

I am a Community Manager, I manager several technical and social communities, i love the work, on weekends i talk with the peers of the communities, fix out next agenda, also follow up on the weeks what’s happening, do they need any help of mine.

I am an Entrepreneur, if you ask me what did company did you built ? the answer will be none, i am an Entrepreneurial mind, i have several failed attempts a company, i am still struggling on that, but i would like to refer me as a Entrepreneur through the virtue of that mind.

I am a Muslim, by birth and by thought i am a Muslim. Though i am having really hard time to be a practicing one, i have left Salat, than again joined back, than again left. I am also learning the rules, teaches of Islam to implement them in all aspects of my life.

I am an Organizer, I love organizing events, could be of technical type or non-technical, that makes me a organizer.

I am an Evangelist, i love to spread news of something good in the community, surroundings. Besides i am an evangelist of better technologies, i let people know what’s good in their and what change it might bring in their lives.

I am a Guardian, as being a son, elder brother, after sudden death of my Father, i take care everything of my family. As Guardian of the family i have to take care of every belongings of the family, find out everyday what’s happening, manage family matters, solve problems and so on.

I am a Public Speaker, I spoke in several occasions in different technical and non-technical events, when i keep doing it i become significantly better, but when i do it after long time, i kind of feel shaky. But i love to depict myself as a Public Speaker, though i have yet to practice a lot to become a successful one.

I am an Idea Person, I have lots of ideas, which makes me a idea person, but if you ask what idea did you materialize, i would have very few answers, I am working now to being a person who also implements things when having a great idea.

I am a freelancer, its a new term emerged now-a-days though i was doing this kind of things from long ago, but i am still not successful enough.

I am a  Struggler, I have been struggling a lot to keep up with all that roles above. I struggle everyday, every moment to keep myself on the right track.

I am a Writer, you can refer me as a failed writer, i love to write and its one of my soothing things, that’s why i am forcing myself to do it very often, my aim with writing is not that  i want to be a famous writer, aim is just to sooth myself, create ability in myself to express properly all my thoughts.

Thanks for reading, if anyone reading this. Happy Friday, i need to catch office transport for office now.

Do Something for Yourself

There’s an organization in America named DOSomething.org they ask young people ( ranging 15 to 25) to do something for themselves, I saw their website recently, seems they are quite successful now. There do something is actually doing something for the society, doing something for change.

We have a hugely busy life, we are always stuck in works, works to feed our tummy, earn our livelihood and so on. But unfortunately we sometimes forget on the road what we are doing actually for ourselves. 06-Teen-Do-Something-1024x909

Doing Something means doing something that gives you mental pleasure such as I am writing now, which gives me mental pleasure, writing is a form of mental pursuit for me, And it gives me a feeling like that at least I am doing something to fulfill my mental pursuits, share my thoughts.

Doing Something also means learning a craft that suits yourself, i.e someone works professionally as a writer, that person really have explicit interest for that craft, whenever he is not in profession or working hours he is always thinking about how he can improve his writing skills, he is never happy with whatever skills he has now, always wants to learn more, move upwards and so on.

Doing something means adopting a new habit, creating new change in yourself, that you can be proud of myself, also fighting your procrastination, achieving things that you have always wanted to achieve. So, Start doing something for yourself now.

Long Story in Short: Am I a failure?

Have you ever fantasized to be one of those Hero’s on Movies, like in Hindi Movies fighting with the world, loosing first, winning at the end, crowned by success and so on. I bet you fantasized to be one of those at some point of your life.

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I did a comparison what I might lack with those Hero’s :

Physique

I am an overweight person, still I am 20 kg’s above to my optimum weight, besides I need to gain some muscles, packs to be at least to the compatible physique. Besides I am not that much taller, just crossing a bits of  5.6 Feet.

Degree

I have a Bachelors in Computer Science Degree from one of the top universities of my country(KUET) but not the best one. But please don’t ask me about my grades, I know how I managed to be able complete that graduation.

Personality

I am an easy to mix up personal, I try to stay as a human in wherever place I go, I am somewhat a people person,  I met, talk numerous number of people, I can make smooth conversation even with unknown people. But yes, I get pissed off very quickly some times.

Although these are the only outside analysis, there is also need of good voice, need of good acting and dancing talents too which are vital to be one of those. Though I am not writing this blog to compare to be one of those Movie Hero’s but actual thought is to be Hero of your life. I guess you already are Hero of your life. I am sure you picture yourself as a Hero in every situation. And surely you would find what are the things that is keeping you behind to be the Hero of yourself.

Except the above obviously there’s also need to be very successful in professional career, awesome public speaker and a stunning life companion( girlfriend/wife probably), none of those I have actually now. Actually this is only a fantasy Smile, none of these are required for life, I prefer living simple, continue to pursue my esteemed goals and thus live a happy life.

I have a busy life but am I really doing anything at all ?

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Most of the people complain about they don’t have time for doing anything, they are always busy doing things that they don’t have time for do things that they want to do for themselves. I am also someone with this kind of feelings. Every week I make plans for myself, I will do this or that but at the end I find that I didn’t have time to accomplish ay of that. But I was really busy whole week, didn’t have time to take a simple break too.

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I am busy, busy, busy

I say people who says that they are always busy, man you don’t have a life as you are always busy, you are bound to follow rituals of the world, whereas the world should have followed your rituals. I didn’t even any person who actually couldn’t have any time for himself,the matter is that we have our times, but we loose it somewhere through mismanagement, being in anarchies or being tensed about another works.

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I will do this when I will have some time

This feelings is very common, I say myself that I will organize this thing or learn that craft when I will have some time, but that time never comes, I still remember things that I have told myself years ago, which I would have done when I will have some time, but I couldn’t manage time yet. So, when is the time you would do your desirable things, answer is ASAP, as early as possible otherwise you will forget about this thing.

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I am Frustrated

Frustration is a common syndrome of this cycle, as we delegate things from days to days, months to months, we tend to create lots of burden, baggage’s  for ourselves which hampers our regular work and creates tons of hammering weight in our shoulders. When you have a huge pending list you will surely feel unstable and can not concentrate much on your regular work.

The Break

So, how do we break this busy life schedule and make time for ourselves, the tactics I followed is,

Observer – Only Observe for a week what you do for yourself in whole week and your other responsibilities, be honest with yourself.

Find the Holes – find the holes where you are loosing time, prioritize works, make unnecessary things go off the list, make a list of to do’s with estimated completion time.

Fill in the Gaps with new Chores- This is your time to shine, in the gained time you can do your desired tasks, but if you do mistake with estimation don’t worry, you will get better by more practicing and bounding yourself with schedules.

Share with me if you find any gap in my systemSmile

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Power Of Anger

I have  a serious anger problem, but sometimes i am very much happy with it. I don’t become pissed of very often, but when i do i keep continue to getting it.  And i accomplish lots of things in that time while i was struggling to get those done from long ago. That also motivates me to take stronger decisions to change my life.

I call this as Power of Anger, I tend to realize myself better in those situations including hidden strength, weaknesses etc. This kind of helps me to do impossible things that i ever thought could be impossible for me to do.

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And i recalled whatever i did impossible in my life so far driven by anger.

So, what did i do this time ?  Yes, i took a big decision and a big move towards career. I am working hard to achieve those dreams, regularly 7+ hours and on weekends more than twice of that. And despite of all fair of being left alone etc. i am moving towards it with no fear.

Share with me what did you do positive driven by anger recently .

What are the chances of Finding Love For me ?

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This writing is in a response of writing on Ted Fellow, Hannah Frey’s book Mathematics of Love and talks, stories.

Love

There are two widely known mathematical calculations available on  finding love, one is Peter Backus’s infamous, why I don’t have a girlfriend study based on Drakes Equation.

The summarization of the study is, different percentages  of factors and applying probability on the numbers of the people living around us. He took in consideration following factors..

  • How many people of different gender lives around me
  • How many of them are in my age range
  • How many of them likely to be single
  • How many of them have a university degree
  • How many of them likely to be attractive to me
  • How many of them will find me attractive
  • How many will with I will get along well

On applying those factors Peter Backus calculated only 26 women of 4 Million women living in London would fall his criteria. That is too small and if he had another other criterions he wouldn’t have anyone Smile .

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Recently Ted Fellow Hannah Frey, wrote a book called The Mathematics of Love where she tried to find a more profound equation on finding love, she went further and tried to bring out more things of life like when to marry, rituals of love life etc. and elaborate those based on mathematics.

Hannah, kind of increased the probability from Backus’s one and she had reasons that.  But the factors remains quite same, I tried to calculate for myself based on those calculations,

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  • How many people of the right gender are there who live near me?

( In dhaka –around 1.5 Crore)

  • How many are likely to be of the right age range?
    (20% –>  30 Lakhs)
  • How many are likely to be single?
    (50% –> 15 Lakhs)
  • How many are likely to have a university degree?
    (26% –> 3.9 Lakhs)
  • How many are likely to be attractive?
    (20% –> 78,000 women)
  • How many are likely to find me attractive?
    (20% –> 15,600 women)
  • How many am I likely to get along well with?
    (20% –> 3120 women)

This is a mere calculation, though the actual figure may differ from it and if I had any other criterions I could have found a very people would fall in this category. Besides there remains an obvious question how you will meet this persons and check whether you are compatible with them or not.

I also had fantasy about love that I would fall for someone all on a sudden, may be meeting someone very stranger in a bus stop, work place or roads, however possibility of this is decreasing day by day but I am really optimistic about this too except above calculations.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

As I told in my blogs, I want to change my lifestyle, habits. And this is kind of huge changes.

The problems that I want to deal with

  • Prolonged procrastination problem
  • Do enough to reach my dreams, requires a lot of reading, practicing
  • Deal with my morbid obese condition
  • Feel alive by writing, sharing thoughts
  • Develop solid skills and ability

But will this changes  occur all on a sudden ? Can I make this changes at once ?

Although I thought I could, I started dieting, living junk foods, red meat, sugar 6 months ago. At first I got very quick result, I was loosing around 4 kg’s every month. But sometimes later I feel sick and because of sickness I couldn’t exercise. Although I tried to continue the diet, but sometimes because of weakness caused by sickness I needed to take some extra food. So, It kind of became a roller coaster journey for me. I loosed some weight, gained back, than again lost.

But I am happy that after 6 months I have been able to reduce at least 15 kg’s from my overweight, though its not anywhere near to my target or didn’t met my targets. I still have to loose 27 kg’s to become a regular person, which is a tough goal to achieve. I have timeline of 6 months in my mind to achieve this goal i.e but may be that’s not gonna happen anyway. Need to revise schedule and do more to achieve that.

That was on the reducing weight, I have been also trying to increase my skillsets, after working several years in the industry, I feel like a phoney, I feel like am I really a software engineer? Do I have any skills of developing a software ? Can I develop a software independently on my own ? Did I create any ability in myself that is rare and worthy enough to survive myself in worst conditions ? To find answers of this questions I did made an action plan 2 years ago, but still having hard time to follow it thoroughly.

On personal account, I live a messy life, I don’t know where all my things are and most of the items I am completely disorganized. As I take care of my family things too, so here comes the responsibility of organizing family things, as all above there, I did made a plan to organize everything 2-3 years ago, sometimes did stuffs too, but later didn’t revisit time to time it. My experience  about organizing life is that I need to spend some time on organizing life every now and then, taking a chunk of time from my daily life. Although sometimes when I feel very organized I wake up late night to organize things Open-mouthed smile, when I should be doing more productive work.

I have also some higher education ambitions, I am nearing to my 27th of year life, so after getting more old I will not be able to become a fulltime student, but you know already how much its tough to go through the admission process and its too tiresome for me. Besides you need to take exams IELTS etc. before that.

And I have prolonged procrastination  problem, I tell myself I will do things, do changes, but that doesn’t happens, I come back to the old routine again and again. So, here comes the realization..

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch———an…….an….ges.

You know what it means right, do changes bits by bits.